Am I insane? Or are you?

Long ago when the great apes carried seeds of humanity, I wonder if sanity / insanity was an issue. I wonder if a bunch of apes similarly positioned in mind and body, decided to stigmatize a slightly different one among them, and labeled it insane. I sometimes think if it is possible that a slight deviation in behaviour translated to an aberration to the norms of the neanderthals (anybody who questions the existence of norms among neanderthals should look into a mirror and gaze intently at themselves until they believe otherwise) thus giving the world its first boorish lunatic; if over the 200,000 years of human evolution, a crack became a crevice, and holy water flowed to widen the divide and gave rise to the sane and insane factions among us, as we see it today.

I would have convinced myself that insanity is in fact a curse of the white sheep to the outnumbered, unconventional black ones, if not for a particular group of madmen. The ones that were born among the "sane", but defected to the other side midway through their lifetime. This I strongly believe is due to the mis-wiring / detatchment of certain neurological elements, as a result of direct or indirect impact of an action with an equal and brain smothering reaction.

All this evolution centric thinking and scientific pondering has led me to think bout one other thing. Catch 22 has enlightened me enough to know for a fact that (if not anything else), a madman knows not, about his standing among the think - alikes of the world. He does not comprehend the ways of the sane, and a friend was also quick to point out (from personal experience) that they deem that every other person in the world, is raving mad. So how on earth does someone realize the onset of insanity? What if I was insane? (I personally think it'd be pretty cool and the world would expect nothing but drivel from me) How the hell do we know if we are insane? for all I care, every madman thinks he's sane. Its pretty trippy and dangerous to think of the world as a place where people thinking and acting alike became the sane faction and and the rest were shunned as non - conformers, whackos, wierdos - insane. Coz then, even a slightly rebellious mind will be tempted to choose the less trodden path. It would then lead to the destruction of conventions for starters and an obliteration of moral rules bringing up the main course. A scoop of brilliance for desert, and we have a brand new psycho, another joins the sparsely populated city of delusion, where your contorted mind makes the rules and you follow them religiously, bereft of trifles - only the higher layers matter (the physical layer is for the communcation theorists, if u know what I mean).

Clinging on to the edge of reason
Trying too hard
To satisfy my soul
I'm delving into depths unknown to me.

Maria

Wind blows at my face, I go to
Another place
Another time

Standing right across the street, she looks
More beautiful than ever
In the dark

Lips spread into a smile, I can hear
Words I've never spoken
pouring out

Raindrops freeze as she moves her eyes
My whole world is coming
To a stop

O Maria,
I'll be long gone fore' I tell you.

O Maria,
I'll be long gone fore' you know.

Where is my shining World?

With the coming of the wave
Feet go crunching in the sand
Every time I'm hit
The misfit tends to curl inside.

Waiting for the saving grace
While I hear the madmen rave
I scream aloud to the sun
The misfit in me, curls inside again.

Your eyes do fine,
What does your mind see?
Left to yourself,
What would you be?
Its time again
To ask myself
Where is my shining world?

Breeding love and changing faith,
Killing them and wounding us
Freedom never seems to come
And the misfit tends to cry inside

Label her and call her vile
The finger's always there to point
Its ok to make her smile
But misfit still weeps inside

Your eyes do fine,
What does your mind see?
Left to yourself,
What would you be?
Its time again
To ask myself
Where is my shining world?

Call it yours, Call it mine
Make it yours, Its hardly mine
Wake them up, and preach this song
I might not be there, to sing along

Call it yours, Call it mine
Make it yours, Its hardly mine
Wake them up, and preach this song
I might not be there, to sing along

Your eyes do fine,
What does your mind see?
Left to yourself,
What would you be?
Its time again
To ask myself
Where is my shining world?

The curse of a gift

Haunt my thoughts,
Linger around
The border of my mind

Keep me waking
All night long
Till I find my peace

Can I follow you
To the end?
Of this speeding tunnel.

Will you help me up
To the sky,
Up the green beanstalk

I dont think I can understand
Bout' how you always seem to
Surround, get the better of me
But still you make me free.

I guess I'll never escape you
Trust me I've tried
How many people do you think
Have held you to their heart and cried?

All pervading,
It surfeits
And Fills up my mind

Resounding, resonating
Inside the woods
Always conjuring a charm.

Hell bent upon
Your presence here
I have you in my life

Cradling a wish
A silent prayer
Forever, all this time.

I dont think I can understand
Bout' how you always seem to
Surround, get the better of me
And still you make me free.

I guess I'll never escape you
Trust me I've tried
How many people do you think
Have held you to their heart and cried?

The meltdown

Cold as a stone in the sky,
Floating all around
Waiting till it hits the ground.

Fore' you know it, it will all
Wash into your brain,
Cause you suffering, and the pain will

Choke you off your breath,
Leave you wondering and waiting,
For the pain, to melt away.

Speed, the sucker...

I'm slow.

What I really want to say is, I like to be slow. There's nothing more I'd wish for, if I was to be handed a book, and given a lot of time to understand what every line in the book was meant to mean. It would indeed make my day if the world slowed down to a numb buzz for a minute or two allowing me to see, analyze, interpret and comprehend all. If there was time enough for me to see that falling drop wobble itself into a sphere, only to get dismembered by the merciless undulations of an ever consuming ground. But apparently, these joyous trinkets are not what I'm made to live for. Bigger, better things are meant to await my presence in the ever near, never near future.

Its a shame we are all off our hinges in this madly accelerating world. Its a shame how deadlines can ruin a perfectly good day of learning. Its a shame we can do nothing but speed up, to keep up. Its a shame the world of poets is just a figment of my imagination. Its a shame we've let it all go dizzy and haywire. Its a cryin' shame that all I'll ever want to do is to slow down, when all I can afford to do, is try to run faster....and faster... and faster.

Definitions - BMS

Ah! A 4 – year holiday, that's what it was. The college I went to, part – time to get an undergraduate degree, and full time to hang out with a bunch of top notch dabblers. We were a tight group of friends who had all mysteriously decided that our purpose in life was way more intricate than could be realized by means of working hard towards an Electronics and Communications Engineering degree in BMS. A technical degree in hand and not a shred of knowledge upstairs.