The knot speaks

The knot speaks
Form deep within my entity.
Dull throbbing
From the depths of insanity.
I hold my head in my hands
To keep my mind from floating,
The grays offer me their warmth
In the black of the night.

I need to,
Fly away
Up there
And feel
Ever So light, so light.

Down there the
Walls are all
Crumbling
Into dust
And you surrender, to the pain.

Thinking on the move - the knot speaks

The world is big, far too big for my liking. There are too many people around. Like ants they walk, like dogs they bark and snatch from each other and from the world like monkeys. The norm has been written and rewritten, trodden upon and generations have watched unknowingly, the pervasive pointlessness of this temporal sustenance. Dazed by the sheer speed of competition, we follow in the wake of a ship that has borne millions of our species before our time. A select few stand on lonely shores and watch the sails slip into the horizon. While the normal man tch-tches in pity and drinks his soup out of cheap china on the deck of the vessel, the thinkers silently smile and light their pipes. Sitting on warm sand, they welcome the solitude of intellect and the saline freshness of the sea breeze.

Affluence brings with it either a desire to grow trees of gold or a detachment well afforded. The unfortunate ones spend a lifetime trying to catch a glimpse of the elusive shimmer of lifeless diamonds. Like many others, I belong to neither of these factions. Serenaded by the uncertainties and wonders of this limbo, I trudge along willingly - a little lost, and acceptably happy. Amidst all this talk of echelons and thoughts is the knot.

The knot is ever-present, and I've felt it more than ever in the past few days. Its a heavy cube of dark smooth iron with rounded edges and corners - well, not literally, but my imagination has it defined that way. Its a weird state of mind to be in - jerkily pulled away from reality but at the same time being closer to it than I normally am; questions stream in and out of the head without getting answered, followed by the the compelling need to do something different, to be free from the rigour and monotony this life has to offer. All said, I would indeed be fooling myself if I were to truly believe all of my own words. I realize I'm merely ranting, without start or end. But the knot is real, as real as the stark pointlessness of it all and the undying spirit of human fantasies.

Thinking on the move - throb

Grim frustration grips your being. Aimlessness, your temporal aide. You feel something caged within the confines of your skin. The most dearest of feelings is at the least detestable in this state of suspended commotion. Nothing enthralls, no one matters, music your only resort. Deep breaths to pour out the knot, strand by strand. Coursing through a chaotic passage of faces and familiar surroundings, you zombie your way through those couple of hours. You seek a creative outlet and find yourself lacking in all aspects - a unanimous deficit of motivation and talent ruling your senses. Stark reality stares you in the face leaving behind a fertile silt to sustain an unchecked growth of a deep rooted feeling of insignificance. Point blank frustration. Remedies are few and you choose the best one around. Clinking, clean melody floats in as Opeth takes over. Sad tunes and melancholic words elevate you, beyond the reach of the agents of materialism prowling the lower strata of thought.

Music in all its diversity, never disappoints. No matter what parameters define your current setup, there's always a song you can lean on. There is always a tune to drown in, and forever words to wrap your brain in. If nothing works, there is always the music of nature - Silence; priceless and crystalline in all its pristine delicacy - the sound of silence.

Streak

I've waited long enough,
There's no help coming.
Gotta help yourselves out,
By swimming in the drain.

If you're dizzy with pain
And you cannot breathe,
You better sooth yourself with
Another hollow promise.

Thinking aloud and running blind,
Spaces to see and questions to find.
Subdued laughter and a silent song.
And the paths keep winding, all along.

The graffiti fades
As the rain beats down.
Upon your window
Thats turning brown.

Gripping fear owns
Your feeble mind.
Coz there's  no messiah
To hold your hand.

Thinking aloud and running blind,
Spaces to see and questions to find.
Subdued laughter and a silent song.
And the paths keep winding, all along.

Bunch o' my Brain - Nothing Special

What am I to make of all these frays?
Nothing ever seems to hold me in its sway.
Counting these tears it makes me feel I am,
Just another shadow on the blinds today.

Of Desires and post BG blues

The Bhagavad-Gita talks about the concept of redemption from the vicious circle of life, death and rebirth among other things. It preaches many ways to cut away from materialism. Karma Yoga - being the act of performing our duties without expectations of a reward, it says is one way to attain unity with the so-called eternal truth - the Brahman. The ideology of an all pervading, everlasting Brahman aims to focus all the energy of a person into attaining this union.

I remember my father asking a question to an ascetic at Iskon once. He asked, "Why am I here?". I was a school going kid back then and did not seem to understand the question. Now I find myself asking the same kind of questions, perhaps a little too early in my life. Desire for money and comfort is a common factor that will dictate most of our actions. The problem arises when it becomes the only factor driving our wheels. A little thinking can make one realize that the quest for money and happiness is never ending if we do not decide to live in and partly for the moment. Dreams are good, but it is absolutely necessary to hold them in check so we do not miss out on the tangible present, daydreaming about a wispy, yet to arrive future.

There are some very important points to be taken away from a reading of the Gita. The difference between renunciation and non - attachment, the concept of action without expectation, tolerance towards people and tranquility of emotions are only some that I can list. But I do not agree with the concept of total material aversion. Materialism is needed in controlled doses in order to be acceptable in the world and in turn to accept yourself. As long as we keep in mind that the money we set out to earn should forever be the means to an end and not the end itself, we will do fine. The Gita talks of an ideal Yogi as a person who is unmoved by just about anything. What then, is the point of living? How are we supposed to make sense by driving ourselves with devotion towards a far-fetched notion of a supreme being? How will anyone be at peace by disregarding the tangibility of a loved one's feelings and aiming for a so called higher union? Towards the end of the book, I am left with an almost conceited image of God with its endless attributions of anything and everything to the Brahman.

Based on this particular interpretation, to me, the Bhagavad-Gita is a mixed bag. I'll accept the goodies and Lord Krishna can keep the rest. The good part about the Gita is its possible detachment form religion, when treated strictly as a moral/spiritual thesis. Especially for people like me who do not encourage a substantial belief in the conventional God, although I would'nt go as far to call myself an atheist; everyone has his/her own God. This reading does not have me leaning either way from my current stance, but is helpful in tweaking a few spiritual screws in the contemplative realms of my system.

Take over me

They said that they've been watching
This road for long.
They say that its been always,
Winding along.

They said - Son get yourself ready
To get your feet dirty
It drips like dew - its bitter,
Bitter bitter, bitter - feeling.

Fill my mind,
Make me blind,
Overflow.

Burn yourself
Into me
Take over me.

The sun's out gleaming,
Searing you
Drape yourself in shade, all u will
But you will get scorched.

How now? how far? how many steps,
To the meadow?
How do I cure this bitter,
Bitter, bitter, bitter - feeling?

Fill my mind,
Make me blind,
Overflow.

Burn yourself
Into me
Take over me.