CONFUSED

"Confused" is not the word. Something stronger would be required to convey the state of mind I am in. I could always dig up a fancy one from the annals of my half baked vocab, but today i just dont feel like it. Well come to think of it, screw the vocab and screw everything else thats even remotely screwable. I first need to figure out what I need to do. Both short-time and long-time. YES, I am a victim of the "Why am I here?" Syndrome. Not the metaphysical/spiritual one though, more of the professional/practical one. About a couple of months back I was pretty sure of where I would be heading. Not anymore.

Why does everything have to be so damn complicated? All I want to do is be happy. But then there is this stupid society. A breeding place for competition. And NO!, U cant not give a damn. Try ignoring a fly buzzing in front of ur face; U'd know what I'm speaking about. The problem is, U need to BE happy and in the process make other people happy too. U cant just walk away happy leaving a wretched world of melancholy people behind you. I guess Its the doing of a pretty irritating part of the abstract department of the human mind, called Conscience. I might not be making a lot of sense, but this is exactly what I feel just about now. Uncertainty is an offspring of Ignorance. Confusion is a distant cousin. I am not equipped well enough to choose my path and not dumb enough to go where life takes me. I am moderate. In just about everything. Words such as "average", "moderate" I feel were penned down for me. Have never reached the highest high or the lowest low any time of my life. Have always been too damn scared to go all out for one thing; Perhaps thats why I have ended up being a Jack of all trades. Thats not too bad, but it aint great either.

Here is a dialogue from the movie "The good the bad and the ugly", which I found damn interesting and something that i think I would like to model my life upon. Would like to end this post with it : "If you work for a living, then why do you kill yourself working?"