Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Thinking on the move - Shot at Redemption

Every once in a while I open the gates to my private hell and let my demons consume me. Chewed up and spit out, I'm usually at the top of yet another saw-tooth peak, post the ordeal. The will to restrain from knowingly harming myself is lacking in me. I guess Billy Joel spoke for a lot of people in saying "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints". In the long term its a trade off. If I were to put the philosophy of Karma in a nutshell, there is no wrong-doing that will go unpunished and no good deed which is not duly rewarded. What is inherently wrong and right though, is a question that's not easily answered for everyone. From a bird's eye perspective, its pretty simple to define this in a pedantic way. But a pragmatic person may find this view conflicting in many ways.

Lost in such meandering thoughts, I am usually utterly confused and dabble at many passing interests while always trying to search for that one passion that will someday define me. As a dear person once said, "maybe we're all incomplete". Yes, we are incomplete indeed. There is no room for completion in the human world. We're all negotiating an asymptotic locus in search of a culmination that's nowhere in sight. The only difference is how far each one of is and will eventually end up from being consummate, when our time does come.

I already have a definition here, but I'm not too sure if that's what I set out to be. Very few people are meant to become something - the majority become the one thing they work towards. It all comes down to what we know and how well we know it because at the end of the day, knowledge is the true measure of one's potential. The desire to read, observe, practice and learn is ever present in me, but severely lack the drive and desperation to follow this yearning into satisfactory execution. The most gripping fear I hide is that of ending up a dabbler, and in a due time, a quack for the sake of livelihood. With this long due confession I'm at the beginning of yet another attempt at what I believe to be true redemption. We'll see how this goes.